we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
