I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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