haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
