k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
