I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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