from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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