trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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