Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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