i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
