walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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