my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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