im about as happy as oj after his trial
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
