garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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