I'm jealous of your bromance
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
