I want to stick my p in your. b.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
