you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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