i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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