and you said cock pushups were impossible
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
