Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize