something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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