Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you still have your period?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
