The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This is my gift to your gina
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
