she looked like the before picture.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
that may or may not have been my penis.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
