You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
