I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
