so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
