I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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