Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So much Jack, so little girl.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
