I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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