Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
