I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
