I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
