one word: firstdatebathroomanal
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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