i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
