Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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