If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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