so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
