Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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