sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
