I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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