If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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