Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
