Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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