Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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