Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
