Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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