need another drink. this is the easiest way
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
