I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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