sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
