I can't watch pbs sober anymore
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
