took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
